-Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is You!- This is a breakthrough book, gracefully interweaving psychology/self-help with inspiration. There's one basic recipe: combine unique positive thoughts and feelings with positive actions. Do this every day, and the rest will take care of itself -- as if by magic!

Enchanted Self

• Designing A Life - We Each Get The Chance by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
• Improving Your Self Esteem by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
• Practical Ways to Bring Enchantment into Your Life by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
• The Communal Sharing of Enchantment by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

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Designing A Life - We Each Get The Chance by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

As we pass through the Seven Gateways to Enchantment again and again and become a true Enchanted Self, we see that life is all about living and then telling and retelling the stories of our lives to get the most positive juice from our stories.

This often means taking pain and misfortune and turning it into meaning and even eventually a metamorphosis of pleasure. One example of designing a fulfilling life comes to mind. This is the story of a part of our French cousin's life. A retired doctor living outside of Paris , Jean Manuel, has often told us the story of his years living hidden in a farmhouse in a French Province . When he was five, his parents were warned that they had to leave Paris . He vividly remembers how terribly upset his parents were. Somehow they found a farmer and his wife who agreed to take in as many of the family members as could get there. His family and some cousins lived several years on this farm. 

Others chose not to leave Paris and were never heard of again. 

Jean Manuel told us about how his family went back after the war to look for their missing relatives, only to find possessions and an uneaten birthday cake celebrating the nephew's first birthday still on the table, at one of their cousin's homes. The family, however, was gone forever. He remembers his parent's despair, yet also how life resumed for all of them. 

He also shared with us how his father was once picked up by the French Police and loaded onto a train. Fortunately the train was moving slowly enough that his father could jump and escape, living for a while in the woods until he could return to his little family. 

One might at first wonder--how could a person come to terms with so much loss and seeing his family go through so much pain? I don't know Jean Manuel terribly well but I have clearly seen a friendly, joyful person every time we've been together. I have a hunch of several ways he has processed this story of his life and the life of his family. 

I believe that one of the major ways that he has processed his own life and turned it into a meaningful, joyful experience is by giving back. The farmer and his wife who took them in didn't have any children of their own. Jean Manuel and everyone else that was hidden by them, never forgot them. They visited this couple every summer. To this very day, although the husband is gone, and the wife lives in a nursing home, Jean Manuel or his wife, or sometimes his daughter will take responsibility to visit and be with this woman. They never forgot and they've always been good to the people that were good to them. 

Perhaps the other major way that I know that this man had made his life story into a meaningful life adventure is the way I feel when I am with him. He is a pleasant, reassuring person who makes me feel comfortable, safe, and as if there is a good time lurking around every corner. I think he is a lovely example of someone living an enchanted life... a life that has had to be reinterpreted, I'm sure, more than once... a life that is not a life of fame but of private meaning and consistency. 

Exercise: Positive Personal Recognition 

The following activity is great to help you better recognize how special you really are. Keep a piece of paper or a small notebook handy with which to make a self-pride list. For one week, write down at least one item a day that you have done well. 

For example, on your list you might put, "I was polite and kind to several people in the check out line in the supermarket, even though I was very tired." Or you might write, "I used my head, rather than my fists," or "today I was able to really share with my son my concerns over his getting another traffic ticket, rather than showing intense anger." 

Or you might write something as simple as, "I took care of my body today. I ate reasonable foods and went for a 20 minute walk."

At the end of the week, find a spare moment to read over your list a few times. After you have done that, give yourself a mental hug or visualize shaking hands with yourself or giving yourself a "high five" sign, or even placing a gold star on your forehead. This is a good way to begin giving yourself some recognition and possibly long overdue acknowledgment of all your many successes. 

What you will realize as you keep your list is that you are certainly worth acknowledging in positive ways! You may also be surprised to see that you have done many acts of kindness, good deeds and often taken positive rather than negative action! Wow, you are AN ENCHANTED SELF! 

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About The Author
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/enchantedself/. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
enchantedself@verizon.net
Courtesy of http://www.ArticleCity.com/

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Improving Your Self Esteem by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Often in our society, we are bombarded with the lives of celebrities. We can end up feeling that if we are not part of the rich and famous, our lives are insignificant. Our society also sends a message of competition and achievement. We watch sports, we always hear about profit and the bottom line being the dollar, we see large companies competing and constantly buying each other out. 

The result often is that we are taught to see how well we are doing, in terms of how pretty we are, how bright we are, what kind of house we have, how well we do in sports, what rewards we receive. However, in reality, these are external measures. Each of us needs to develop a sense of self-worth, a capacity for positive self-regard that comes from within.

Here is an example: Sara was divorced and felt in many ways that she had shortchanged her two daughters, in the sense that they lived on very little money. She could shower few luxuries on them. At times, in her therapy, she talked to me about feeling that she was not much good at anything. Her husband had been abusive both physically and mentally, and had put her down almost constantly. Although she no longer lived with him, inside of herself she still carried feelings of worthlessness.

One day I asked her to review some of the best moments in her childhood. She said, “I always loved when Uncle Sam used to come over, and we all sang songs.” I asked her if she did anything like that now, with her girls. She said that they often sang together in the car. In fact, she had taught them many of the songs that Uncle Sam had taught her. I asked her if she realized that she was offering her girls some of the wonderful family memories that were unique to her as a child. She said she hadn't thought about it, but it was certainly true. During months of therapy, we worked again and again in recognizing many valuable aspects of herself. Needless to say, her self-esteem began to improve. Sara is an example for all of us, in the sense that each person has to document his or her own positive talents and strengths. 

We have to learn to pat ourselves on the back. To help you, I suggest a self-pride list. During the coming week, write down at least one item a day that you can take pride in having handled well. For example, I was polite and kind to several people in the supermarket checkout line, even though I was tired. Or, I used my head, rather than my fist, and really shared with my son my concerns over his getting another traffic ticket.

At the end of the week, read over your self-pride list, giving yourself a mental hug, or the high five sign. This is the beginning of giving yourself more recognition, which will in time lead to an improved sense of self worth. It is only with this improved sense of self-esteem that you can have the confidence to make sure that your life is filled with enchantment. 

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About The Author
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/enchantedself/. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
enchantedself@verizon.net
Courtesy of http://www.ArticleCity.com/
 

Practical Ways to Bring Enchantment into Your Life by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

THE ENCHANTED SELF® teaches you how to access positive states of well being again and again. These positive states are unique to you and often reflect your interests, talents, and potential. I thought it would be fun to finally share with you some activities useful in helping you get in touch with your Enchanted Self. I hope you enjoy them and will let me know how they worked out by writing to me at encself@aol.com.

1. Relax and let your mind drift backward in time. Give yourself permission to drift back through your memory to a younger age. Let your intuition be your guide in choosing an appropriate age. Once you have chosen an age, imagine yourself in a room in one of the homes of your childhood. Look at the furniture, the colors of the room. Can you smell anything, any aromas of food cooking, or any other odors? Can you hear any noises, perhaps people talking? Is the television on? What show might be on? Can you look out the window from where you're sitting? What do you see?

Jot down all the positive thoughts and feelings that you associate with this memory on a piece of paper. Then make a list of all the talents and positive capacities you had as a child. Thank about how you could link your positive traits from the past forward to your present life.

Don't get discouraged if you need to make changes in your present life. Changes can be positive, and there is always a way that you can successfully change, even if it is a little bit at a time.

2. Next, let's do an exercise geared to building your self-esteem, a necessary attribute to your Enchanted Self. Think about five positive statements that you can make about yourself. For example, you might say, "I am a most courteous and helpful person," or "I am always there for others, or "I can be trusted."

Later on today, write down your five positive remarks about yourself. Put this piece of paper in your wallet or in your pocketbook. Read it to yourself at least once a day, for a period of one week. After a week, give yourself a mental hug, or some other form of congratulations, to emphasize to yourself how great it is that you have these positive traits. We all need practice in confirming what is good about ourselves. Seeing yourself in a positive light is a critical step in living a life of Enchantment.

Some of our best pathways for enchantment come from the hopes and dreams that we had as children. Relax, and let your mind wander back to a time in your life when you were eager and excited about life. For example, perhaps you were a Brownie or a Cub Scout, and you imagined yourself becoming a Girl or Boy Scout some day, winning every Scout badge possible. Or maybe, because you like nature, you often imagined yourself climbing high in the trees. You may never have actually done these things, yet now you can still remember the good feelings that you had either actually doing, or thinking, about these things.

Rather than holding on to the disappointment or anger that may have come from unrealized dreams, think about three things that you can do as an adult that could result in your having some of these same positive feelings.

For example, perhaps a course in rock-climbing might help you get back in touch with the fearlessness you felt as a child when you imagined yourself climbing tall trees. Or perhaps it is now time for you to sharpen your skill at some sort of craft, and enter a competition. Or maybe its just time to order a gourmet-cooking magazine, and to have the pleasure of looking at someone else's recipes.

As adults, we don't always need to be a winner. It's enough just to enjoy a hobby or an interest. One of the gifts of Enchantment is that you can make a variety of decisions about yourself, sometime choosing to be highly competitive, while at other times you may choose to be a spectator.

Whether you relax by blowing bubbles, or by wishing on a star, fishing, or roller skating, the magical yet obtainable ingredients of Enchantment lie within each of us, waiting for you to practice them an to apply them, again and again. Give yourself permission to feel good again, by recognizing the true strengths and value you have as a unique human being. Welcome to your Enchanted Self! 

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About The Author
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/enchantedself/. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
enchantedself@verizon.net
Courtesy of http://www.ArticleCity.com/

The Communal Sharing of Enchantment  by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Mentoring and learning from each other is much more that taking a course or explicitly giving someone advice or help. Almost every moment of every day when we are with people has the potential for becoming a mentoring or a learning situation. We talk, gesture, and involve ourselves in many ways with many people. The exchange can be uplifting, informative, reassuring, kind or it can be depressing, depleting, annoying, bothersome and more! I'm sure you can think of both some good and some bad times with other people!

I teach that experiencing The Enchanted Self is unique to each person. We all have our unique ways of feeling comfortable with ourselves, when we know that our mind, body, heart and spirit are all lined up! We know that we are in stride with ourselves and our purpose in life for that moment. There is another level of Enchantment that we do reach, though and this can not be done alone. It is the shared positive experience of enchantment.

Can you even imagine what our world be like if everyone learned to tap into their Enchanted Selves often and while they were with others? I think the world would be more positive, a place where people would communicate in a friendly manner, respectful of one another's uniqueness and feelings. 

Let's bring our discussion back to times we have all experienced. Haven't you encountered people who exude confidence and a sense of well being? I bet you left the encounter feeling happier and more positive. Perhaps the next person you met had the opportunity to catch some of that positive energy. The truth is we all catch each other's moods and reactions. People often talk about how a smile brings on a smile. When we connect with our Enchanted Self, the joy and confidence we feel spreads to others. It becomes important to learn how to actually bring our positive states of being to the surface in such a way that others are encouraged to join in. Certainly we all respond better to enthusiasm and praise than disparaging comments and criticisms. Unfortunately, most of us are already experts on negative thinking and harmful criticism. Being in a good mood and then finding one's self in a negative situation is a difficult spot to be in. How quickly a positive state of mind can be interrupted! 

For instance, we may be in a wonderful mood only to enter the workplace or home and be met by a scowl, a frown, or negative remark from a coworker or family member. How quickly one's positive state of well being can dissipate. For example, if I walk into the house in a good mood and my mother, or my wife, or my husband, immediately barrages me with a list of things that I didn't take care of, or criticizes me for chores I didn't accomplish to their satisfaction, I will find the experience a clear interruption of my positive state of being. However, if someone were to gently say, "Can you give me a few minutes? I want to go over some of the chores we had agreed to split," or "I want to check with you as to what has been done or what has not been done," then I may be able to maintain not only my state of well being, but be in a good enough mood to help improve the other person. 

A speaker once compared giving constructive criticism to that of a sandwich. The first slice of bread is telling the person something honest and positive about that person. The filling consists of gently leading into a suggestion or sharing ones' feelings about how something is being done. The second slice of bread again finishes with positive reaction or remark to that person. How desperately most of us need to practice the art of positive criticism. 

Learning to communicate effectively to maintain each other’s integrity and self esteem goes a long way toward creating and spreading positive, productive energy and making the world a better place!

Exercise 1: Successfully Connect with Others 

This is a very simple communication exercise that requires the consent and cooperation of a partner. Begin by allowing the other person to talk about something important to him or her for at least three minutes. The topic can be anything: their opinions about a complicated subject; their expert knowledge in some field; an anecdote about something that happened in the past; or their personal feelings about something or someone. After you have listened, give back only positive feedback. This is not easy, as we often find it easier to be an 'expert' in criticism. However, it greatly enhances our mood to receive positive feedback. Reverse roles, and allow yourself to talk for three minutes, uninterrupted. Now it is your turn for positive feedback. I can guarantee it feels better than criticism. Try it. You'll like it! 

Exercise 2: Enhancing the Human "Touch" of Communication

This September pick a day and have the fun of creating a special meal with family or friends. Carefully set the table. You could even put a flower vase in the middle or use a cloth table covering. Perhaps you could also start the meal with each person giving a blessing or stating a positive feeling about being together. Stretch and be generous of spirit -- maybe you could invite the neighbor that would never expect to be included. During the meal tell positive stories about the 'old' days or share funny stories about growing up. The immediacy of this type of human 'touch' can turn an ordinary day into an enchanted one. 

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About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/enchantedself/. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
enchantedself@verizon.net
Courtesy of http://www.ArticleCity.com/